Whilst having a dig around in my old email, I came across this email from 1995 which reminds me of just what a great time the rave and dance music years were:
Subject: Little Red Raver Girl
Date: 14 September 1995 12:40
# I found this while clearing up my mail. It’s from *1year ago* from
# SFraves. Man, it feels like history! I thought some of you might
# enjoy “comparing mythologies”.
Little Red Raver Girl
Noah “juggler” Lee
(respect to the original of course)
[ed’s note: This evolved from a trip to Albuquerque for the Orbital X
rave. We had to keep ourselves entertained on the four hour drive with
no radio or tape deck. Gotta do something!!]
Once upon a time, cuz, heck, what better time than that, there lived
Little Red Raver Girl. She was a happy little girl who loved to wear
baggy overalls and the grooviest striped shirts. Her red pigtails and
keen shoes could charm the Blow-Pop ™ out of any raver’s mouth.
Well, it seems that Little Red Raver Girls’s promoter grandmother was
not feeling so hot cuz an event she was throwing wasn’t going so great.
Little Red Raver Girl decided to take a skippity trip over to her grand-
ma’s house to deliver some lollipops, a new whistle, and a hit of X. She
only wanted Grandma Promoter to feel better. 🙂
Little Red Raver Girl set out into the scary city with a warning from
her tired out hippy mother, who warned her of the evils of the world. As
usual it went in one ear and out the other. Little Red Raver Girl only
wanted peaz and unity and didn’t like to hear about the bad people out
there because they gave off such bad vibes.
Hippity, trippy skipping down the avenue whistling some housy, funky
toon, Little Red Raver Girl hardly noticed the Big Bad Gothic Girl come
out of the shadows of an alley.
“Whoa!” said Little Red Raver Girl, “You put quite a fright into me!”
“Yeah, whats new?” angrily replied the Big Bad Gothic Girl.
“Hey, you wanna sticker? I got heart stickers!! Or how about a
lollipop?” asked Little Red Raver Girl.
“Nah, I don’t want no stinking lollipop,” gothically replied Big Bad
Gothic Girl. “Where you think you’re headed to in this dark, cold,
miserable world of ours??”
“Well,” said Little Red Raver Girl, “i’m off to see Grandma Promoter
to deliver some goodies so she can be happy and throw the phattest event
this side of the world.”
“Big event eh?” interestingly replied Big Bad Gothic Girl. She thought
to herself, “Hmmmm….you know I bet if I get those goodies I could
throw a dark, scary event the way I want it.”
“Well, I best be off now. Peace, love and unity to you Ms. Gothic Girl.”
And Little Red Raver Girl was off. But so was Big Bad Gothic Girl.
Seeing as how she hung out in dark alleys all night she happened to know
a shortcut to Grandma Promoter’s warehouse. She sped ahead to beat
Little Red Raver Girl there.
[here’s a plot twist in the story! Oooooohhhh!!!]
Little Red Raver Girl continued on her way wondering why someone would
paint their face chalk white and wear all black clothing on such a
beautiful day. Just as she was daytripping this she ran into a funky
phresh young man stepping from a record store.
“Yowza!” exclaimed Little Bloo DJ Guy, “Sorry about the bumping action
“Oh excuse me! I wasn’t watching where I was going. Would you like a
sticker? A lollipop?”
“Yeah! Sure! Thanks a lot!”
“Here ya go,” said Little Red Raver Girl as she stuck on a groovy frog
sticker onto Little Bloo DJ Guy’s chest. She hands him a lollipop and
asks, “Are you a DJ by any chance?”
“I certainly am! In fact i’m supposed to be spinning later at Grandma
Promoters event. You going??”
“Yesssss!!! I’m her granddaughter! I’m Little Red Raver Girl! I bet you
are Little Bloo DJ Guy then!” exclaimed she. Quite a good guess too
seeing as how he had on a bloo hoody shirt with “Bloo DJ” in holographic
type on it. She’s quite the quick witted one ya know. 🙂
“Yep! That’s me! I’m sooo happy to meet you! Hey, I gotta run but i’m
going over to Grandma Promoter’s Houze of Funky Toons for the Pre-Party,
so I hope I see you there,” said Little Bloo DJ Guy.
“You sure will. Be seeing you later!” happily exclaimed Little Red Raver
Girl. And off went Little Bloo Dj Guy. Little Red Raver Girl breathed
a sigh, for Little Bloo DJ Guy was sooo sweet and just the nicest guy
she had met in the longest time. She really wanted to hear him spin
and get to know him better. “Maybe at the pre-show,” she excitedly
Back at Grandma Promoter’s Houze of Funky Toons, the bass was
bumping as Grandma prepared for the rave and was stressing hard getting
ready for the show. Then, all of a sudden a “ding, dong, boom boom boom”
came from her specially designed doorbell.
“Who is it??” asked Grandma Promoter.
“Tis me! Little Red Raver Girl” replied a slightly gruff and not quite
“I best let her in to help me and cheer her up. She sounds as bad as
I do!” thought Grandma Promoter to herself and opened the door.
As soon as she had in leaped Big Bad Gothic Girl and she quickly tied
up Grandma Promoter in a extra long pair of fishnet stockings and
handcuffed her to the sink in the bathroom with her handcuff belt.
“You can’t do this! It doesn’t promote peace and unity!” cried Grandma
Promoter. “Lemme go and i’ll hook you up with a hit of X and you can
dance all night with us and feel the groove. I guarantee you’ll feel
“Nice try grandma. Stuff it,” and Big Bad Gothic Girl promptly
crammed a black candle into Grandma Promoter’s mouth to quiet her down.
She then went on to change the music to something much less happy and
got into some of Grandma’s clothes. “Ick…these are soooo bright and
happy. I think i’ll throw up.”
At just about the time she was done there came a sound in the warehouse,
“ding, dong boom boom boom.”
“Yeah, who is it??” asked Big Bad Gothic Girl who was now dressed like
“It’s me!! Little Red Raver Girl!!” came the reply. “Let me in Grandma!
We need to change that music and make you feel phresh!”
Big Bad Gothic Girl opened the door and let Little Red Raver Girl in.
“Why Grandma! What a pale, icky, clammy white face you have!” said
Little Red Raver Girl.
“The better to scare you with my dear.” came the reply.
“Why Grandma! What morbid, black fingernails you have!” exclaimed Little
Red Raver Girl.
“The better to scratch off your face with you little happy hippie wanna
be!!” yelled Big Bad Gothic Girl and she LEAPED from her baggies and
pounced on Little Red Raver Girl.
Just at that moment the door swung open and in sped Little Bloo DJ Guy
with his patented Bag O’ DJ Music. He rapidly threw on the phattest of
toons and started spinning and cutting it up as best as he could.
As he did this, a strange feeling overcame Big Bad Gothic Girl. She
felt a pumping bass shaking her body. She felt a warmth overcome her
entire soul. She wanted to stop almost, but she couldn’t help herself
from getting up off of Little Red Raver Girl and dance. She got down.
She boogied. She threw massive moves. Little Red Raver Girl rushed to
the john and freed Grandma Promoter. They went out to the dancefloor
right as a large crowd had gathered at the door. The pre-party was in
full effect and at the heart of it was Big Bad Gothic Girl dancing
everyone into amazement. She gave everyone a hug and some a kiss she
felt so good. The vibe was the best they had ever felt that night.
Grandma’s event went off like never before and was of legend promoter
proportions. Little Bloo Dj Guy spun his best set and fell deeply in
love with Little Red Raver Girl to everyones happiness.
And they lived happily ever after.
T h e E n d.
[The people in this story are totally fictional and any relation to any-
one in real life is purely coincidence. Heck, I made it up on a trip
for Christs sake!! 🙂 Hope you liked it. You can reprint it, distribute
it to anywhere you want as long as you don’t modify it and keep my
name attached to it as the author. Peace to all of you and keep the
vibe alive. – – – Juggler [Noah Lee – firstname.lastname@example.org]